When Motherhood Hands You A Pink Slip
No severance package. Just an identity crisis.
Spring break has always felt a little weird to me. It’s one of those things that seems like it should be important, but somehow isn’t.
Back in the late ’80s, I’d watch MTV’s spring break coverage with morbid fascination. I could practically smell the stale beer through the TV.
Maybe I was drawn to the Florida wildness because I’d missed out on going to Cancun my senior year and secretly wondered what it would’ve been like.
A week of hookups and hangovers sounded both intriguing and horrifying. But in college, I finally got my chance.
My roommate and bestie, Andrea, found a cheap Corpus Christi travel package that included bunking with three strangers and an 18-hour bus ride. I mentioned it was cheap, right? Within an hour of stepping off the bus, we were shoulder to shoulder in overcrowded bars, repeatedly declining invitations to join wet T-shirt contests.
It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, and also not as good. Mostly, it was boring. I couldn’t wait to get home.
But my memories of that one and only spring break adventure were quickly overshadowed by bad news waiting on our answering machine.
The gym I’d worked at for years had abruptly closed.
I was stunned. Not because I’d need to find another job, but because I’d lost a piece of who I was. For years, I’d so deeply intertwined my identity with what I did that I didn’t know who I was without it. Was I now just… Jennifer?
It sounds silly now, but being a “fitness expert” was my thing. And in the ’90s, that made you relevant.
I wish I could say I handled that identity loss with the grace of someone much wiser, but I was 23. Instead of adjusting to my new circumstances, I just shifted my identity to my future self. I was, after all, a philosophy major with law school in my sights.
It reminds me of people who are never single. They don’t know what it’s like to be truly alone, to have space to figure out who they are and what they value.
From fitness instructor to future lawyer, I felt secure in who I was. Without those roles, I felt lost.
Eventually, I figured out what I really wanted out of life and how I wanted to feel about myself. But that early experience showed me how easy it is to entangle who we are with what we do. It creeps up on you and is incredibly common. In fact, about 40% of retirees struggle with some form of identity crisis.
You can probably guess where I’m going with this.
Moms wrestle with the same thing.
Imagine receiving a pink slip after holding a job for 20—or even 30—years. Especially one that’s personal, emotional, and runs 24/7.
That’s us.
Sure, we know we’re more than moms, but after decades of routines and habits, hanging up that hat isn’t easy.
It’s even harder for moms whose lives are fully intertwined with their kids. These women struggle the most when it’s time to let go.
I’ve been slowly loosening my grip over the past several years. It’s helped a lot. But I won’t pretend I’ve got it all figured out.
For me, the future still looks a little blurry around the edges. But the more I reconnect with who I am and who I want to become, the clearer the picture gets. I don’t know if the fuzziness caused by motherhood ever really fades, but I do know that the stronger my sense of self, the healthier and happier I’ll be (not to mention my whole family).
So, I’ll leave you with three things to do—or at least, think about:
Reflect on your summer.
If you’ve got high schoolers, especially drivers, you probably experienced a slower-paced summer. This change is your warm-up, a dry run for the empty nest. Take note of how it felt. What parts did you love? What parts were hard? Start brainstorming ways to ease those downsides.Work on your boundaries.
What do you want? What do you expect from others? If you find yourself doing things your kids could handle, think about how you might transfer that responsibility—or let it go completely and be okay with the imperfect results.Let them fail early and often.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll probably say it 87 more times: this is the ticket to your freedom. The earlier your kids learn to handle failure and to problem solve, the more confident they’ll be navigating life on their own. AND, here’s the best part, you get to exhale and release any worry because you know they can do it.
It’s never too early to start thinking about your next stage of life. Empty nest is a train we can’t stop. Might as well get ready for the ride.
👉 If you’d like more help getting ready for this next chapter, download my free Empty Nest Prep Guide
Wow! This was a great one…and gave me all the feels!