What My Closet Is Teaching Me About Life On The Other Side Of Motherhood
Winging it worked when the kids were little. It doesn’t anymore—and a simple plan makes all the difference.
Ready for a slightly shallow story about my youngest brother’s wedding? Or more accurately, the weeks leading up to it.
This has nothing to do with him or the wedding itself. It has everything to do with the low-grade panic I experienced over what to wear to an event where I was—brace yourself—just a guest. No role or responsibilities. Just show up, hug the family, and crack jokes (wait… maybe I did have a role?).
But this is a familiar pattern for me. I like to own plenty of clothes with very little understanding of how to put them together. Don’t get me started on the nightmare that shoes have become… we don’t have time for that today.
After two months of shopping, overthinking, and light bargaining with the universe, I found an outfit I felt fine in. I wasn’t uncomfortable, but I also wasn’t relaxed. The goal, apparently, was survival. Mission accomplished.
If this feels familiar, it’s probably because many of us put our sense of style on ice while raising kids. Leggings were practical and comfort always won (with kids, dogs, and general chaos, who cared?).
Then one day the fog lifts. Skinny jeans are out (no objections here), barrel jeans are in (freaking loving the room), and suddenly you have the time—and mental space—to think about your wardrobe. Feeling a little cute finally moves up the priority list.
Only it turns out you don’t become good at this overnight. There’s an art to buying clothes, and not all of us have that gene. I spent years and far too much time and money trying to “find my style,” when what I really wanted was to open my closet and confidently put together an outfit that didn’t default to jeans and a t-shirt.
Eventually, I realized the issue wasn’t a lack of creativity—it was the lack of a system. Once I stopped winging it and created a simple formula for getting dressed, the stress dropped dramatically. I’m not finished with my closet, and even though my wardrobe isn’t perfect, it’s soooo much better than it was, which is kinda the point.
Here’s where this connects to life after active motherhood.
I always knew my closet wasn’t working. It caused unnecessary stress. And yet I waited for a reason to deal with it (a wedding, a dinner, a school auction). Something external had to force my hand. Doing nothing, or accepting the status quo, is too easy.
Many women do the same thing with their lives.
I’ve been working with moms for years, and I see this pattern over and over. Most don’t realize they’re allowed to plan their futures and think about what they want next. They assume change will happen eventually, without much intention or intervention. After all, previous generations figured it out on the fly, so why can’t we?
But “eventually” is vague, and vague has a sneaky way of stretching into years.
So here’s the real question: how would you like to spend your days when your child no longer occupies the top three lines of your to-do list? How do you want to feel? What do you want more of?
I don’t want to open my closet and muddle through anymore. I want it to be easy. I don’t want to be trendy or impressive. I want my clothes to reflect who I am and help me feel like myself. That confidence won’t come from buying more—it comes from clarity.
The same thing happened when I created a midlife plan in 2021. It felt almost too simple to matter. But once I had a loose framework, my days had shape and I quickly knew what to say yes to (and what was a hard no).
That’s the beauty of a midlife plan. It can be as simple as reading more books or prioritizing friendships, or something more challenging like running for city council. Big or small, it’s yours. But you won’t discover what you truly want if you keep postponing the question.
Your empty nest (or near-empty nest) is an opening. You can drift through it, waiting for life to unfold. Or you can be intentional and give this new phase direction.
Path & Purpose is designed to help you do exactly that—with a simple, flexible framework created specifically for women in this stage of life. The waitlist is open, and registration with special pricing begins tomorrow.
There are so many things I avoided because I thought they’d be hard, only to discover that doing them was always easier than worrying about them. My health. My wardrobe. My future. In hindsight, I wish I had started every single one of them sooner.
I’m here to help you skip the line and start feeling better now—about who you are and how you’re showing up. Especially when things feel uncertain.
This is what I do. My emails, my classes, and my work are all devoted to helping women move from feeling “fine” to feeling fully engaged in their own lives.
Working on our wardrobe and working on our lives aren’t that different. We want both to reflect who we are and to feel effortless.
Neither happens by accident. Both require some honest reflection and a plan.
But the payoff is the same: fewer panicked mornings, more ease, and a life—or a closet—that actually works.
P.S. Not sure what you need yet? Start with my free EMPTY NEST PREP—it’s a quick win. Or hang out here on Substack with me… consider it a staging area for your empty nest.