What in the PRE-empty nest is going on?

Really could have used a heads-up

We have several older neighbors, but my favorite is Doris. She’s in her late 80s, still living on her own, and takes a stroll down our street every day. The other morning, on impulse, I asked if I could join her—after years of just exchanging “good mornings,” I was finally ready for a real conversation.

It was slow going. She scooted along with her walker, her equally elderly dog in tow. But I’m good at slow. My own geriatric dog sometimes takes 45 minutes to circle the block.

As I walked with Doris, I realized why I was so drawn to her. The pace of her walk mirrored what’s happening in my home. With my youngest nearing adulthood, life is quiet. No rushing from one event to another, no frantic mental checklists. The days feel… unhurried.

And this, my friend, is what I want to warn you about because it caught me off-guard: The on-call mom stage is unfolding much faster than I expected.

This pre-empty nest is unsettling.

The other night, I stood alone in my kitchen and realized I’m in limbo. My son had been gone all day, my husband was out of town, and the house was disturbingly still. It was a bit eerie like I was missing something.

That’s when it hit me—this on-call mom phase has already started, even though I technically still have a high schooler.

It’s roughly two years ahead of schedule.

The strangest thing about this pre-empty nest? It’s both achingly slow and shockingly fast. One minute, you’re juggling meal planning and doctor appointments, and the next, your kid is asking about spending the weekend in Tahoe with friends.

While I’ve identified three key stages of motherhood, this new development is helping me see that there are no hard lines. Just like empty nest doesn’t magically begin the day they graduate or turn 18, these stages blur into each other.

So why didn’t I know about this?

This morning, I read an article about how generations of women have been silently dealing with an aging body. From hearing loss to debilitating mobility pain, women are keeping their reality to themselves. And my takeaway is the author, a woman in her 70s, wants us all to speak up and share our experiences not only for ourselves but for younger people as well—aging shouldn’t happen in the dark.

I was so grateful for her wisdom because it reinforces the need to take care of our bodies now, but also, there will be a point for all of us when it’s hard to move. And I think we look away from older people because part of us doesn’t want to see what’s coming.

Maybe this is why it took me so long to spend time with Doris? She is a visual reminder that someday, I, too, would no longer be agile and fast.

But I want to know what’s coming. And I guess that’s why I keep telling you about what I’m experiencing as my kids get older.

You need to know about the slow burn of empty nest. And that when your youngest enters junior year, the shift begins. You have entered your pre-empty nest era.

Because if you know it’s coming, you can do something to ready yourself, like:

• Get clear on how you want to spend your time.

• Experiment with new interests.

• Build friendships.

• Reconnect with your partner (before we become two strangers sharing Wi-Fi).

Don’t get swallowed by the quiet—take advantage of it.

If you’ve already been through this transition, I really want to hear from you:

What was your biggest surprise about the empty nest years?
What advice would you give to those of us still in the thick of it?

Please share your thoughts in the comments — THANK YOU!

We’re on this motherhood ride together. 🩷

Before you go…

If you’re starting to think about what life looks like after kids, I want to make this easier for you. In April, I’m running another Midlife Plan workshop—but this time, I’m making it significantly more affordable so more moms can participate. Learn more and get on the waitlist HERE.

Creating a midlife plan isn’t just about a roadmap—it’s about finding more fulfillment and meaning in this season. I’m pricing it with the intention of making it accessible because I truly believe every woman deserves the clarity a plan can bring, especially now.