They Said Intuitive Eating Would Set Me Free

When popular life advice backfires

For the past few years, I’ve harbored a quiet shame about my relationship with food.

While I talk openly about my history of disordered eating and body dysmorphia, I’ve realized my dysfunction is much more complex.

Over the last 27 years, I’ve learned to manage my “situation” by being extremely mindful of any food restrictions or “diet” talk because I know it’ll send me into a tailspin. And when I look in the mirror, I have mental tools to quickly combat negative thoughts.

I’m so grateful I’ve gotten to this place of semi-self-acceptance.

But in 2020, I decided it was time to see if I could eliminate the background hum of judgment once and for all.

A couple of nutritionists I followed on Instagram regularly talked about the importance of intuitive eating and how it's the true path to food freedom. Since I was stuck at home, why not? Let’s see if I can finally break the dieting cycle.

I started with a month, and it was liberating—until I tried to zip up my jeans.

Still, I was committed (after all, this was my pandemic project). One of the nutrition influencers recommended we give it at least a year.

So I did.

For the next eleven months, I desperately tried to listen to my body and to eat what it wanted, when it wanted.

Parts of my experiment were amazing, like peanut M&Ms every day and meals not dictated by the clock.

The food rules I’d followed for over three decades collapsed, and it was a relief not to think about calories or carbs.

But then the scale crept up. My thighs expanded, and to my horror, I was spilling out of my bra. I was SO uncomfortable.

After talking to a few friends who also survived the 80s and 90s heroin chic, I realized I wasn’t alone. Turns out A LOT of people struggle with intuitive eating.

I understand I’m still healing from the damage of diet culture, but I think it’s more than that.

Maybe it’s my ADHD, but I need more structure. I need to know what I’m eating and when. I often lose track of time, forget to eat, and then devour half the kitchen when hunger finally registers.

As much as I want to be that carefree grazer who only eats when hungry, I have to admit that it might never be me.

One size doesn’t fit all.

This is one of many popular ideas that doesn’t work for everyone. There’s a one-size-fits-all mentality and a litany of life markers that we must reach in order to live happy and long lives.

It’s the food we eat. The number of close friends we have. And how many push-ups we should be able to do.

Here’s the truth: this black-and-white thinking stops most people.

I’ve studied goals, habits, and happiness for well over 8 years, and I’ve seen over and over again the importance of being flexible.

My favorite educators—whether it’s fitness, style, or behavior—always offer alternatives. And those are the people I trust. They understand we’re human with varying abilities, beliefs, and finances.

But so often, the bar is set too high or placed where it doesn’t belong.

The pressure starts when you’re young and really kicks in once the world discovers you’re pregnant. Suddenly, what you put in or on your body becomes a topic of public importance. And that’s before the baby is even born.

After that? Everything is fair game.

What we look like. How we spend our money. The way we parent. And so on.

Let’s be clear. This isn’t just gentle nudging. It’s judgment. Often harsh.

I’ve followed the crowd plenty of times. Sometimes out of fear, sometimes out of habit.

When I started my photography business, I mimicked what others were doing. I mean, if everyone was photographing families in a field, it must be right. But when I did it, it felt forced and became a chore.

Only when I started photographing families authentically did I come alive (see more here).

Same with clothing. Dressing for trends rather than what felt good left me unhappy with my closet and regretful about my smaller bank account (I could have gone to Europe with the money wasted).

And don’t get me started on what the “experts” say we have to do to grow our business. I’ve tried the “proven” formulas and intuitively hated them. Another costly lesson (I could have taken you with me, first class, for what I’ve paid).

Eventually, I always find my way back—to ease. To alignment.

And right now, I’m in another phase of adjustment.

I’m making changes to my Substack and coaching.

I’m listening inward.

Quite possibly my favorite headshot

What feels right to me right now?

1. My Substack will be free.

No more paid subscriptions for content. Some courses will still be behind a paywall, but archives and many DIY options will be open to all.

For those of you beautiful women who are paid subscribers, thank you for supporting me and helping me fund my work. I sincerely appreciate you. 🥰

If you’re a current monthly subscriber, you won’t be billed going forward.

As for my yearly subscribers, your subscription won’t auto-renew. And, I am offering a free 1:1 video call to talk about whatever you need: empty nest prep, midlife transitions, menopause, identity shifts. You name it.

Naturally, you’re welcome to stay a paid subscriber if you’d like to help me keep the lights on, but there’s no pressure.

2. I’m creating a DIY version of my Path & Purpose workshop.

For those who want to create a midlife plan (a roadmap for your on-call mom years) but don’t have the budget for the live version, the go-at-your-own-pace video course will be available in early summer.

🤩 I would love it if a few of you would join me for the workshop recording over the next several weeks so I can closely mimic a live experience. If you want to take this workshop for the friends and family price, please read the P.S. at the end.

These changes are like a giant exhale! I’m relieved and excited about doing things in a way that feels right.

These shifts are me. They reflect who I am and how I want to show up for you.

We live in a time when everyone has an opinion, and we’re often judged for not falling in line—ask any woman who dared to let her gray grow out.

You can’t win the approval of the crowd. So you might as well find your own way.

For me? I’m doubling down on what feels good. (I gave you the complete rundown on “leading with feeling” last time—I’m still a fan. Obviously.)

We’re in midlife now. The carpools are winding down. The calendar’s clearing. And slowly the mental noise quiets, allowing us space to figure out who we are—not who we’re supposed to be.

I’m here to encourage your growth and self-awareness. To remind you, even though you probably already know it, that you don’t have to follow anyone else’s plan. There is no on-size-fits-all.

Now I want to hear from you — seriously. I’m not writing you to babble on about my life. I want to know more about you!

Have you felt outside pressure to do or say certain things? Do you have any old 90s diet-culture wounds you’re working through? Or maybe you can do 23 pushups but can’t touch your toes? The comment section is open!

❤️

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P.S. Go HERE to find the details of my workshop. If you want to join me for the live recording, sign up for the waitlist to be notified when registration opens. The price for participation is $197 (just under 1/3 of the normal price).

If that is out of your budget, an extremely kind community member has offered to gift her enrollment as she can no longer make it. Please email me if you want to be considered for the spot. Nothing fancy, just let me know your story.

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