Silence Isn’t an Option: My Role in the Election Outcome

How avoiding hard conversations cost us more than an election—and why I’m done holding back

It’s tempting to blame the non-voters and the third-party voters for the mess we’re in. But it isn’t that simple.

Ownership is a core value in my life—parenting, work, relationships. Top-down ownership, like the ultimate chain of command. It’s not always comfortable, but it’s necessary. And in this case, it's especially so.

For weeks, I could see the writing on the wall. People were threatening to withhold their votes as a protest over Gaza. Others threw their support behind third-party candidates because they didn’t like the other options. And then there were others, I’m sure, who either weren’t ready to vote for a woman—especially a Black woman—or didn’t believe their vote mattered.

Whatever the reason, over 17 million voters missed the assignment. 

photo credit: Martin Jernberg

Hearing the discontented rumblings for weeks, I feared this would happen. That people would fail to see that this election was strategic and every vote mattered.

Over the last two days, I’ve bounced between being tearfully horrified and swearing in rage.

How could they be so dense?
How could they let this happen?
Didn’t they see withholding a vote or voting for a third party was really a vote for him?

After exhausting my rage, I faced an unwelcome question: What had I done to change an outcome I saw coming?

The truth? Not much.

Yes, I’d spoken about it a few times in Instagram stories, but beyond that? No. I held back.

I hadn’t used my much larger TikTok platform to talk about tactical voting.

I didn’t mention the dangers of withholding or diverting their votes in the nearly  7,000 emails I sent last month. Not one word. 

Nor did I make sure my friends and community were aware and up to speed (not everyone is on social media after all).

And it wasn’t because I thought they knew or that my voice didn’t matter—instead, I was afraid. Fearful of angering someone or, god forbid, losing followers.

There it was. My own brand of idleness, wrapped in fear and silence.

I’d unwittingly swayed the outcome.

The biggest lesson from this travesty? We can’t afford to stay quiet anymore. This isn’t about taking sides… it’s about our future. It’s about real people—their safety, welfare, happiness.

So here I am, walking away from this election with a knot of sadness over my part and a fierce new intensity to speak my truth.

To be bolder, less cautious. To, let’s be real, give far fewer fucks.

That’s what midlife is for, right? We’re no longer here to impress or turn heads. Now it’s about living for ourselves, standing in our power, and finally speaking up.

And at the heart of it? Owning what we can control—our voices, our power, our responsibility to act. For ourselves and our children.

I’d love to know your thoughts about speaking up and if you feel similar.