Nothing Says “Happy Birthday” Like 160 Lab Tests
Also, is it menopause or something else?
Last spring, my husband gave me the weirdest birthday gift. Truly baffling. One part “are you trying to tell me something?” and one part “wow, you really know the kind of nerd I am.”
Turns out, it was one of the best gifts I’ve ever gotten.
He’d stumbled on this company called Function Health — they work outside of insurance and run over 160 labs that screen for more than 1,000 possible conditions.
Testing for that many things requires a lot of blood. So much that they split it into two appointments. I walked out a little dizzy, basically looking around for the volunteer handing out Oreos.
Nearly all my labs came back normal, and before I get to the not-normal ones, let me brag for a moment… according to their calculations, my biological age is about 15 years younger than my actual age. So at least there’s that.
But a handful of labs were out of range — and I came back positive for ANA (Antinuclear Antibodies), which is a giant flashing light for potential autoimmune issues.
Not ideal, but since I didn’t really know what it meant, I sent everything to my primary doctor, who wrote back asking what I wanted to do about the positive ANA.
Excuse me? I emailed you because you’re the doctor. You’re supposed to tell me what to do.
So now I’m waiting three months (!!!) for my appointment to go over the results. Not thrilled, but here we are.
In the meantime, I booked a visit with my hormone specialist GYN because my menopause symptoms have crept back, even though HRT had helped them a lot.
She listened, asked to see the Function results, and as she scrolled through the app, she immediately zeroed in on two things: a low Free T3 and a high TgAb (Thyroglobulin Antibodies). Both technically “normal,” but based on her years of experience… not normal for everyone.
And here’s the important thing: she started with how I felt. Not the numbers.
As it turns out, many of my symptoms are hormone-related — but menopause isn’t the only culprit.
✅ Low energy (even after 9 hours of sleep)
✅ Constipation
✅ Hair thinning
✅ Dry eyes (my eye doctor has basically given up on me)
✅ Anxiety
The big ones? The ones that keep nagging at me? They’re also classic thyroid red flags — specifically Hashimoto’s.
Which, ready for this? Is an autoimmune disease.
Without hesitation, she sent in a prescription for a low-dose thyroid medication so we could see how my symptoms respond.
Y’all. I was floored. Even writing this now, I feel such relief and also frustration (anger?) at all of the people who brushed me off as “just getting older.”
For 13 years I’ve talked to countless professionals — endocrinologists, acupuncturists, you name it — and I have never felt urgency or concern around my symptoms. Not once.
I found my hormone specialist because I was desperate for someone who prioritized symptoms over lab ranges. Someone who listened rather than assumed.
Normally, this is the kind of story I’d save for my coffee-date friends, but I genuinely think more women need to hear it.
Right before my GYN check-in, a friend told me about her own three-year medical rollercoaster and essentially threatened me (lovingly) to advocate harder for myself.
If it weren’t for her pushing and researching and refusing to take “you’re fine” as an answer, she’d still be suffering without a diagnosis.
So I’m passing that push along to you.
Listen to your body. Don’t assume “normal” means your normal. And for the love of your sanity, find someone who takes your symptoms seriously.
Don’t let anyone wave away what you’re feeling.
Not a doctor, not a specialist, not even the “it’s probably nothing” voice in your own head.
Advocate like hell for the life you want to live.
I’m in it with you.
P.S. I’ve opened the waitlist for February’s Midlife Plan workshop - if you’re interested in finding out more about creating a roadmap for your empty nest years, add your name here (zero commitment!)