No Scrolling. No Short-Order Cooking.
A case for simple boundaries at home, online, and everywhere in between
After a lovely three‑month break from Instagram, I reinstalled the app and am kind of bummed about it. I really enjoyed my time off. But the sad reality is that I need it for work.
Before I logged back in, a friend gave me some excellent advice: set hard-and-fast rules. So I did, and it’s working (so far).
Monday is chit‑chat day in my stories. Thursday is content day.
And the big one: no scrolling. None.
Because once I start scrolling, it’s over. But if I’m only looking at the top post and any stories, I lose interest quickly. It turns out Instagram is deeply boring when you’re not allowed to emotionally spiral through it. Who knew?
I didn’t realize it could be this easy—to be fair, we’re in the early stages, but I feel pretty confident.
This naturally has me thinking about how many things in life feel enormous until you set rules and realize, “Oh. That was it?” Instagram wasn’t the problem. The lack of clear, simple boundaries was.
In last week’s Shared Load workshop, we talked about creating one‑liners to hold boundaries at home. Simple statements you can say as fact, not as an invitation to a family debate.
If you don’t want to be making food or cleaning up after your kids late at night, something like “the kitchen closes at 8” or “dishes go in the dishwasher” works surprisingly well. Clear. Calm. No explanation needed.
As my kids get older, and as I continue researching how to adjust to this next stage of parenting, it’s becoming very clear that what we put in place now matters—a lot.
Whatever your household rules are, or whatever your family dynamic is when your kids leave the nest, that’s what they—and you—will most likely revert to when they come back for short visits or longer stays (it’s not pessimistic to plan for boomerang kids. It’s realistic).
That means things like resisting the urge to step in and “help” when your kids create a situation. Waking them up if they forgot to set an alarm. Calling the university to report a lost dorm key. Skip that level of involvement as soon as possible. Sure, guide them, but they need to do the work. Clear, non‑negotiable boundaries act as guardrails for them as much as for you.
One of the most helpful one‑liners I’ve adopted is quietly repeating to myself: not my responsibility.
I internally chant this whenever I feel the pull to solve someone else’s problem. An argument between siblings, lost homework, or even finding an afternoon snack when there’s literally a kitchen full of food. And let’s be honest, always wanting to help, always being available, is part of how many of us became the default parent. Default everything, really.
We don’t just need these invisible lines to create a more equitable balance at home. We need them to make sure the family dynamic we put in place is what we want down the road—we don’t automatically slip back into our old role where we drop everything to cook meals, wash clothes, or wake them up for an 11 a.m. interview.
I am not being hyperbolic.
More and more parents are heavily involved in both high school and college life. If you’ve ever spent time on a university parents’ Facebook page, you already know this. Even Ivy League schools have seen dramatic increases in parent “participation” on campus.
And not to alarm you, but parents are now showing up to job interviews with their children. Sometimes on the Zoom call. Sometimes in the waiting room. Occasionally, recruiters are contacted directly by an applicant’s parent.
I know! But, just in case you don’t believe me because it sounds so wild, a quick Google search brought up a recent Reddit thread and CNBC wrote about it as well.
If we can push through the discomfort of holding the line at home while our kids are still under our roof, we’re not just setting ourselves up for future freedom; we’re setting them up for success, too.
Is what you’re doing now sustainable for the next 3 years? How about 8 or 10? If not, what rules can you put into place now?
The goal is feeling good down the road… not resentful or exhausted.
I so appreciate you being here with me ❤️
A COUPLE OF BOOK RECS:
👉 Raising Young Adults by Julie Lythcott-Haims is an older book, but it is definitely worth the read— if this was the situation ten years ago, we can all imagine how much more intense it is now.
👉 Set Boundaries, Find Peaceby Nedra Glover Tawwab was my first official book on boundaries, and it’s a fantastic resource. You can read it cover to cover or use it as a reference to look up situations as needed.