It’s Not The Screen Time. It’s The Content.
From the manosphere to algorithm-driven radicalization, these resources break down what’s happening to our boys and how parents can respond.
We didn’t let our kids have social media until they were 14 or 15, and it wasn’t easy.
Not only did it feel like all of their friends had a phone, but during the introduction to middle school, the staff told us that it would be “social suicide” for kids not to have Snapchat. Stunned parents looked to each other for confirmation…“Did I hear what I think I heard”?
Social media was going to be a part of their lives, and it would be up to us to set ground rules and make it as safe as possible.
At the time, I knew it was going to be an exhausting battle, but looking back, it doesn’t feel worth it because it turns out you can keep your kids off phones and social media until they’re 18, and the algorithms will win in a matter of days if not hours.
The content we tried to protect them from was quickly firehosed at them at a rate I can’t even begin to calculate. There was little we could do about it. The battles we previously won felt inconsequential.
This is where I usually hear people say something along the lines of “you’re the parent,” arguing that we can ultimately control what our kids consume. And this is where I get so frustrated, if not furious, because parenting in this digital age is a mess. It’s not the same as having strict TV hours or 11 pm curfews like our parents worried about.
It’s not just addictive phones or harmful content, it’s the legalization of online gambling, wages not keeping up with inflation or home prices, Citizens United, and the unraveling of our democracy… I could go on, but you get it. You’re living it too.
Yes, parents have the bulk of the responsibility for raising our kids, but when we’re going against outside forces, like tech CEOs who know their products are addictive and damaging, there is only so much we can do.
We need support. We need help. And, like many things these days, the people who could make a real difference are actively choosing not to.
So, once again, it’s on us.
We’ve got to educate ourselves on the online manipulation that’s happening to our boys. And if you have girls, it is equally important because they’ll encounter online or, more likely, in person.
Here’s how most of these influencers work: it starts out benignly enough with workout and vitamin tips, and the next thing you know, they’re being shown alpha male content about controlling your girlfriend or how empathy is weak.
You’ve probably heard of the less extreme manosphere influencers like Joe Rogan and Jordan B. Peterson. But there are the more radical ones like Clavicular, HSTikkyTokky, and possibly the worst, Andrew Tate.
There’s a lot to learn, but if I were relatively new to this topic, here’s where I’d start:
First, read Kahlil Greene’s article for The Preamble, The Boys Are Being Radicalized as a primer. The piece is well researched, and Kahlil does a phenomenal job of explaining red pilling and the manosphere—better than anything I could put on paper.
Inside the Manosphere, a Netflix documentary, is a must-watch. Caveat: Some people have reviewed it, saying it doesn’t expose how bad it really is or that it potentially glamorizes being a horrible person (misogynistic, homophobic, antisemitic, and racist).
Listen to Kara Swisher’s podcast interview with Triston Throux, the creator of Inside The Manosphere—Louis Theroux Goes Inside the Manosphere. It’s Worse Than You Think. (watch on YouTube or listen).
If you haven’t seen the mini-series, Adolescence (also on Netflix), add that to your list. Get ready to cry. It was brutal to watch, but also enlightening.
Last, read Notes on Being A Man by Scott Galloway. He’s been talking about how to combat the male loneliness epidemic for over two years, and I think he’s done an excellent job explaining the problem and trying to solve it. Another caveat: some people think he’s not doing enough to be a “good” feminist, but I think he does a decent job of speaking to other men, which is where real change happens.
While moms will benefit from these resources, it’s more important that the men in your son’s life are also learning. They’re going to have to do the heavy lifting here because, as our boys get older, moms have less impact or influence (especially if they’re already circling the manosphere).
When we understand what’s happening out there, we can spot the cues from our tween and teen boys. We’ve already seen a couple of red flags in our house, and not just from our kid, but from their friends. This is an important distinction because your kid might not be consuming the content, but they will be influenced by boys at school.
This research will help you navigate the difficult conversations.
This is not the time to hang back, shrug our shoulders, thinking it’s hyperbole. It’s not.
And if we’ve learned anything since November 2024, it’s that the norms no longer apply.
Between AI chatbots (synthetic relationships), red-pill content, and this administration exhibiting the worst behavior, we are fighting on many fronts. I’m sure you’re exhausted. I am.
But knowing what’s going on so we can spot it and talk about it is one of our only tools right now. I would say the next step is pushing for algorithmic legislation, but that feels like a far-off dream. I’m focused on what we can do right now.
We cannot ignore this. It will eventually affect all of us.
P.S. When I say this will eventually affect all of us, Amanda’s Mild Takes gives a great example when she talks about Groypers and Nick Fuentes. Watch this video here.