Before the Empty Nest Hits: Do This
This shift doesn’t have to feel like freefall
The most interesting thing about you is not your love of coffee, golden doodles, or your two kids.
But back in 2010, that’s basically what every Instagram and Facebook bio said.
If this was (or still is) you, I’m not judging. Truly. I’d probably still have something similar under my name if a business coach hadn’t introduced me to Simon Sinek’s Golden Circle and convinced me to show more of who I am, rather than what I do.
Turns out, that advice was a lot bigger than business.
He told me people lean in when they feel a connection, and of course they do. As an expert-level consumer, if I like a person or company, I will happily hand them my hard-earned dollars. If I don’t like you? I’m out. (I’m lookin’ at you, Jeff Bezos.)
But here was the catch: I understood “personal brand” in theory, but actually figuring out mine? That was a whole different story. I spent an entire summer trying to articulate what I stand for and what makes me me. I almost gave up, but I’m annoyingly determined — so I kept going. And once I finished, everything shifted almost instantly.
First, I realized how buried I’d gotten under the layers of adulthood. The obvious ones: homeowner, dog mom, people mom, partner. Then the invisible roles: grocery strategist, calendar keeper, emotional-thermostat reader, finder of misplaced things.
It’s wild how those layers pile up quietly, almost without permission. One day you wake up and realize you haven’t asked yourself what you actually like — only what everyone else needs.
Once I had even a vague sense of who I was underneath it all, being me became so much easier. And when that happens? Everything gets easier. Deciding what to wear, who to hang out with, what to say yes or no to. Suddenly you skim past the sweaters you’d normally agonize over because you actually know which one feels like “you.”
I’ve talked about personal brand before (read on Instagram, watch on TikTok) because I want more for you than a generic bio.
Figuring out your personal brand is a powerful tool for midlife. Here are a few questions to help you start:
What lights you up?
What won’t you tolerate?
What would you change about the world?
When do you feel most authentic?
How are you a little weird?
What do you love about yourself?
But there’s another question that goes even deeper:
Who am I when I’m not ___________?
It’s a two-part exercise. Filling in the blank shows you the roles you carry and the identities tied to other people. But answering the question helps you see the woman underneath.
➡️ When you’re not planning the next grocery run or tracking appointments, who are you?
➡️ When you’re not worrying about aging parents, who are you?
➡️ When you’re not managing the emotional climate of the household, who are you?
➡️ When you’re not playing cruise director or taskmaster… who are you?
We collect so many labels, but they’re not who we are in isolation. Sometimes we cling to them simply because they feel familiar.
Mother, partner, daughter, friend, entrepreneur… helpful, sure, but incomplete (kind of like an Instagram bio).
When your kids start pulling away — usually right around middle school — it’s your cue to think more about who you are now and who you want to become. This was the single most important step I took when my kids were tweens. By the time they entered high school, I was well on the path to feeling whole again.
This shift can feel jarring if you’re unprepared. The house gets quieter, you’re needed in shorter bursts, and the emotional “fullness” of motherhood starts to loosen its grip. Many moms struggle with loneliness or a sense of lost purpose. But it doesn’t have to hurt or be scary. It can also be an opening.
And guess what?
That opening is easier to walk through if you’ve already started rediscovering who you are.
Because when you don’t do this work?
You hit the empty nest feeling unmoored. Lost. You second-guess yourself. You wonder where your spark went. You feel overwhelmed by the question, What now?
But when you do know who you are, even loosely?
You feel grounded. Choices get easier. Your relationships shift from obligation to connection. And you move into your “on-call mom” years with confidence instead of confusion. You’re ready for, What’s next?
That’s why I write these emails and create courses. We’re not waiting for life to happen to us. We’re slowly, intentionally, figuring out who we want to be on the other side of motherhood
Your empty nest years don’t have to feel like freefall.
In my Path & Purpose workshop, I help you build a personal roadmap for midlife — one rooted in who you are now and who you want to become. If you want clarity, direction, and momentum, join the waitlist.
You don’t need to overhaul your life. Just start by peeling back the surface layers so you can get closer to your truest self — she’s the one who will shape what comes next.
P.S. If you’re making your Christmas wish list, check out my substack from last year…
